what I still haven't learned

So, every time that I think I'm getting the gist of things I get thrown off again. I mean I can throw around words like "dodgy" and "keen" just as well as any self-respecting British person, and, in my completely non-biased personal opinion, I think sometimes even better. However, it is not my fault that there are two names for the most mundane things. Take, for instance, THE ZUCCHINI. Just the other day I was trying to use one of those self check-out devices (which always make me feel inferior as it belts out PLEASE SEEK ASSISTANCE every time you swipe something incorrectly) and I was trying to weigh THE ZUCCHINI but there was no entry under "Z" for vegetables. Panic. Self-Doubt. Am I actually holding a zucchini? Do zucchinis actually exist? A large line of very grouchy and unapproachable people kept glaring at me the whole time I was having my zucchini crisis wondering why I was so inept at the machine. Fortunately I was shopping with my much more savvy Lea Michele look-alike friend who was able to inform me that THE ZUCCHINI was actually A COURGETTE. Can it get any worse? Clearly I'm no icicle on anyone's beard.

You are now sailed into the north of my lady's opinion; where you will hang like an icicle on a Dutchman's beard - Twelfth Night (3.2.26-28)

OH WAIT did I not mention that I went and saw the Royal Shakespeare Company Performance of Twelfth Night in London last Friday? Yes, yes I did. And you thought I was just spouting Shakespeare to show off. Well, actually, I guess I still am.